


Dirty

by DarkSkyesRising



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Death, Crowley Crushes Sam, Crowley and Feelings, Declarations Of Love, Depressed Dean, Depression, Dom Sam, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Dean, Emotionally Repressed Dean, Falling In Love, I suck at fight scenes, I write sad things, Love, Love Confessions, Lucifer is a Little Shit, Lust, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Dean Winchester, POV Sam Winchester, Plot Twists, References to Depression, Sad Dean, Sam crushes Crowley, Tags May Change, Tears, Unrequited Love, Weird Plot Shit, idek if this is good, slight dean/sam, there is hope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-03 17:18:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 10,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8722180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkSkyesRising/pseuds/DarkSkyesRising
Summary: Its a surprise :)





	1. Chapter 1

Skin against skin.  
Its what you wanted.  
Its what you needed.

Fire and ice, burning flesh and frozen moments, sweat dripping from your scalp.

Skin against skin.  
Its what you craved.

Blue eyes looking down to your green ones, and an ocean of emotion came from his.

His hand on your arm, against the mark he claimed you with and you felt his emotion flow deep into your soul.

Hunger, greed, want, lust, need.  
So much stronger than yours.

Not angelic in the least and you smirked up at him giving him what he wanted, what he deserved.

Skin on skin.  
Sweaty skin on sweaty skin.  
Your angel moaned as he leaned in to kiss you, and it felt like pure electric desire.  
Kissing a trail from your jaw to your ear. Stopping and moaning your name like a sin. Again and again he said your name. So. Fucking. Filthy. and you came.

"Dean? Dean wake up."  
You jolted awake to concerned blue eyes.  
"Cas?"  
The angel stood straight and walked to the bathroom. He came back instantly, throwing a rag at your face.  
You looked at him, confused, but shocked as you saw the pure demonic grin he had plastered on his face. Lip caught between his teeth.  
He leaned down slowly until you could feel his breath on you ear. Hand high on your thigh.  
"Dean"  
Your eyes widen in horror as a chill went down your spine.  
"Your dreams are so.....dirty."  
He was so close that his lips brushed against your ear lobe. Warmth filled you, and you came so fucking hard.  
Then he was gone.  
You sat there in shock, finally realizing what the rag was for...


	2. Chapter 2

Games...  
Games are dangerous if you play them right.  
There was nothing right about how he'd been playing with you.  
Five more amazing dreams in the last two weeks and each one you were woken the same way. Blue eyed angel saying your dreams were dirty, but he was playing dirtier. He was filthy.  
You loved it.

Trying to focus on the hunt in front of you. Vamps are easy. Quick. 

"Just like you."

Cas was in your head. He was always in your head. Prying into your thoughts. Sometimes you were able to feel it, like an itch in your brain, and you played your dirty dreams over and over until his pupils blew wide and his breath hitched in his chest. He'd just lower his head, raise his eyes and 'tsk' at you, biting his lip before he'd fly off to god knows where. How he was still an angel of the lord you have no idea, but you were his bitch.

You loved it.

'Focus' you say to yourself as you walked quietly around to the back of the house, Cas on your heals. 'Vamp nest. Focus.'

He hadn't touched you since the first night. Only to heal the wounds but it was minimal. You felt him behind you. Not touching.. never touching and it was driving you mad.

You wanted him to touch you. You just wanted to feel his skin on your skin, and he wouldn't lay a finger on you. Wouldn't even let you touch him. You've thought about begging...

'Fucking focus!' You yell at yourself but ,god, it didn't help. It has never helped.

He chuckled behind you and you closed your eyes. You could feel him lean in. You could feel his breath on the back of your neck. Your jeans tighten. He had you wrapped around his finger... no....his voice, and he knew it. You knew it.

"So....dirty"

Heat filled you in an instant and you came in your pants like a fucking teenager, moaning "shit" as he chuckled again.

"Good boy."  
He whispered in your ear again as you came down from your high. You sighed. 

"Your playing dangerous games angel." Growling at him like he was your prey. But you were the prey.

The back door swung open and Sam came out covered in blood.

"Well.. thanks for the help..stupid...idiotic...shit heads..."

He turned and went back through the house to the front muttering profanities at you the whole way.

"This is your fault." You grumble under your breath to Cas, turning to catch his eye. He was gone.

"Stupid angel." You turned and walked through the house. Eight vamps heads cut clean. An obvious fight painted itself around the room. Broken glass littered the floor. Windows shattered. Broken lamps. How had you not heard any of this?

Baby honked outside and you blew your breath, trying to think of an excuse to tell Sam. 

'Gee, I don't know, Sammy, thought it was a great time to have a fucking orgasm while you were fighting for your life.'

You chuckled.  
Better not tell him that.

You get behind the wheel and it fucking hits you. It hits you hard like a kick to the nuts.

The fucking dick trained you.  
Your his fucking pet.

You loved it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is technically a rough draft. I cant get the website to make the changes I want yet. Sorry for the inconvenience! Tell me what you think!

Somethings were never meant to be. You and Cas though, you were destined to be. It was foretold. Prophesied. You two were meant to be.

your mind wanders as he stands in front of you now. The things you want to do to him.... if he'd just let you touch him..

The things you want him to do to you...

You were tired of playing his games. Exhausted actually. He was wearing you out and you couldn't play anymore. He had been stringing you along for months.

After Sam left for the library, you dropped to your knees in the bedroom and you prayed. You pleaded and begged like you were begging for your life. You told him everything, and he came to you. Pity and disappointment playing in his eyes, and you looked down, almost ashamed.

You just wanted him to touch you. So he did. You stayed on your knees, head down as he ran his fingers through your hair. Walking in circles around you.

Running his fingers lightly over your chest and back. You sigh with contentment. After four months of no skin contact this was bliss. After a few minutes he knelt in front of you and lifted your chin. He leaned in close and whispered against your lips.

"Guess you weren't as strong as what I thought you were.'

Then he kissed you. The first fucking kiss. It was so gentle and calm but within seconds it was heated and rough.

What he said was completely forgotten as he pushed your back to the floor and kissed down your chest and back up to your lips before stripping off your pants. He leaned back to look at you and you let him.

You wanted him. Needed him. His blue eyes were fierce and hard in an instant. It made you twitch and ache with lust and desire.

"Need you Cas."

You grunted out as you pulled his lips to yours again. He moaned and flipped you over so your ass was in the air.

You turned your head to watch him strip and saw how hard he was. Saw how badly he wanted you. Saw the lube in one hand and him rubbing himself with the other.

"Fuck Cas" groaning and waiting for him. Wanting him to do anything and everything. You felt the coldness of lube as he stuck a finger inside you and you had to hold back.

By the time he had gotten to two, you were trying not to cry from the overwhelming need.

The third finger in and you were begging. "Please Cas, please!" You were losing it but you didn't want to have that release without him.

Then three fingers were out and you gasped at the emptiness. You watched him lube himself up and moaned again. He wasn't gentle anymore. He pushed himself in and you moaned like a fucking whore. God it was perfect. He moved slowly at first then picked up the pace, pounding into you forcefully.

"Harder Cas, please."

He slams into you, faster, harder, and you feel it coming so fucking close. The last thing you see before you orgasm is your brothers shocked face in the doorway.

Coming down from your high you stared in horror at Sam and he stared back with the same look of horror on his face. You chanced a glance at Cas and he's back with that evil smirk of his. Awkward silence all around, then finally, Sam clears his throat and speaks quietly. Too shocked for anything else.

"Dean, that's. . That's not Cas."

Your eyes got even bigger as you looked back at 'Cas', who was still inside you.  
He leaned forward and whispered in your ear.

"Cat's out."

He laughed and then he was gone leaving you ass up for your brother to see.

You felt so...dirty.


	4. Chapter 4

Thoughts are running through your mind. 'It can't be! It wasn't supposed to be this way! How could you have been so stupid!' You needed Cas! The last few months you had been under some weird trance, and as soon as Sam had said that your angel wasn't Cas, it broke.

You were normal again. You could think freely. You were ashamed of yourself and how you'd been acting, but you couldn't help it. You had wanted the angel from the first time he saw through you.

'You don't think you deserved to be saved.'

The way he looked at you, head tilted, almost in awe that you couldn't see what ever he saw in you. The look that he gave you, quite often, that he wasn't looking at you, but through you. It would make your spine tingle and your stomach clench. Your smile was always bigger with him around.

The profound bond. You rolled your eyes to yourself when you thought about it. He had never actually touched the mark he left you but he came close and it always felt like electricity flowing through your blood stream

He would always be in your personal space. You would always tell him to back away. Especially the time he came back from Purgatory. Only because you would've kissed him. Held him like he was your life line. You would never have let him go.

"Dean it'll be ok. We'll find a way to get Lucifer out of Cas."

Sam. Sammy. Always there for you. Always there to clean up after your stupid mistakes. You could depend on him. Not trust, not fully, but you knew he'd always be there for you.

You felt so unbearably sad that it was always him. He has seen you at your lowest and he's seen you at your best.

The last two weeks he had kept his distance. He hadn't brought anything up and he wouldn't. Good old Sam to the rescue. Wanting vengeance for his older brother that you knew you didn't deserve.

You should have seen the signs. You should have known and now its one huge mess. That's what you get for letting your heart have what it shouldn't.. what it couldn't. You cant give into the luxuries of love. Especially with an angel.

You would never be worth it and this was your punishment for giving in.

Sam sighed and you realized you hadn't said anything back.

"I'm fine Sam. Stop worrying about me."

"Dean! Will you stop lying to yourself for one minute! Your not ok. Your not alright and don't lie to me because I know! I know you Dean! We _are_  brothers, and I'm worried alright?! You let your guard down, and that's ok! That wall should be torn down eventually. Its not your fault he mind whammied you. Its not your fault you didn't know! He had all of us fooled! It wasn't just you!"

You sighed and closed your eyes.

" I'm just... I'm just broken Sammy. I feel broken. I get into that shower three maybe four times a day with the water blazing and I try to burn away the uncleanness I feel inside. I scrub until I bleed and I'm still so dirty that I just wanna curl into a ball and hide. But you wont let me do that so alcohol it is."

With that you stand from the couch and grab three beers out of the fridge, running to your room and away from confrontation.

Your always hiding from something it seems.

 

The shitty thing is, you cant run from yourself.


	5. Chapter 5

This was it.

This was how you were going to die.

Heartbreak, depression, the hand holding you up against the wall by your neck.

The hand that was attached to Cas.

You would be crying if you could breathe.

Only because you didn't want to die this way..ever.

This was what you had to do though. Either he did it or you did.

You had tried to pray to him. Apologize, ask for forgiveness, in hopes that he was still in there somewhere.

Of course, Lucifer heard and came.

Just as you'd planned.

Now you dropped to the floor, gasping in air, or as much as you could before you were thrown across the room into the opposite wall.

"Cas, please. I know your in there. I need you back Cas! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"Oh isn't that sweet."

Lucifer sneered. Then he laughed.

"Thought you and I had something here Dean!"

You hoped he would buy it.

You weren't exactly acting though.

"No. No. Never."

Wow what a comeback.

Lucifer/Cas looked at you, eyebrow raised.

"That's all you've got? Not really putting up much of a fight here. It's not as fun as what I hoped."

Walking around the room he sighed. You didn't want him to give up. You didn't have anything to say.

You were dead inside.

"I could bend you over right here Dean, and you wouldn't even fight me. I could say the word that gets you off _every single fucking_ time, and you would just except it."

You remained silent. You knew he was telling the truth.

"He enjoyed it you know."

Your head snapped up.

"What?"

"Castiel, sweet innocent angel of the lord, enjoyed what I did to you."

He smiled at you, eyes filled with coldness.

"You were his first."

"No! He said-"

"He lied."

This.. made you angry. It made you hurt. Lucifer lies. Why would Cas have lied about something like that? Even if it was his first time, you wouldn't have let it been how it was.

Besides he never wanted you like that. He never would. He used to look at you like you were something.. invaluable, inestimable, precious, priceless.

You were once important to him even though you continued to disappoint him.

The time you tried to say yes to Michael, he had gotten so angry. He had beaten the shit out of you and you let him. Begged him to finish you off.

'I gave everything for you and this! This is how you repay me?!'

The thing you never told anyone though, is that you had enjoyed it. You had needed it, and above anything else, you wished he would've have ended you. Even then you knew you were nothing. 

He wouldn't look at you that way again when he came back this time... if he came back. If this worked. It had all gone too far. He wouldn't even want to look at you.

"Still nothing to say?"

His voice snapped you back to the present. You smiled at him sadly. You knew it was time.

You knew Sam was outside waiting for you. Now all you had was hope that this would work.

"Cas, if your in there...I'm. I'm sorry."

You didn't look up as you pulled out the gun that was strapped to your leg. You held it up to your head and looked him in the eyes.

"Goodbye Cas."

You pulled the trigger and everything went black.

 


	6. Chapter 6

The only way you knew of to get Cas back was..dangerous.

Like you haven't heard that word before.

You were willing to do anything.

"Well. You've surprised me Winchester."

The reaper says standing next to your soul. In front of you on the floor is your body. You decide not to look.  
You look at Cas/Lucifer instead, and he's looking at you. Not your body on the floor with its brains blown, no, but at you and the reaper. 

"You are clearly not as strong as what I thought you were,"  
He smirks as his higher pitched voice fills your ears. 

"Kinda disappointed you went that way but it's easier on me. I'll see you in hell Dean." 

He disappeared and the reaper beside you blew her breath. Her dark eyes were looking at you questioningly. 

"Do you think it worked?" She asked. 

You knew she was hopeful. You were sure he believed that you were dead. 

"Yeah I think so. Now we just need to finish this. I'm hoping that Cas will feel is his grace being tortured the closer I get to hell. I want this to work... even if I don't come back."

"You know you owe me right. I can get to the gates of hell but I cant go in." 

"I know. I don't think I'll need to go in. Just get close." "Lets go then." She says as she places her hand on your arm. 

In a blink your in a large wide open area. There isn't much scenery though as the whole place is covered in fog. You can barely see the reaper next to you. 

In front of you though the gates of hell glowed black. How something can glow black is.. well...interesting, indescribable. 

It's beautiful though. You even thought about walking through them. Finding your place as the torturer and living eternity doing to souls what you feel inside. Broken. Breaking.

You stand your ground though. 

"How long have we been here?"

"About 15 days top side." The reaper beside you sighs. 

"You reeaallly owe me. This can get me in trouble." She says. 

"Anything you need I'm here. With some exceptions but mostly anything."

"Take this and keep it safe.. it might bring some abnormal to your world... but not much I promise." 

"Abnormal how?" You asked taking the metal object out of her hand. It was a ring. Solid band of... something white..

She's smiling when you look up at her curiously. 

"Its made from things so ancient I'm not sure if I can tell even your soul. It will help you along your journey.. whenever you truly need it. It's something to shred souls for without even a thought... so keep it to yourself."

"I will... thank you.." 

"Don't thank me yet. Remember to take it off as soon as you have what you need. Please don't tell anyone about this Dean. Your brother and Cas if you must, but no one else."

You nodded and slipped the ring into the pocket of your jeans. 

"How long now?"

"30 days." She says.

This is when you started to worry that your plan hadn't worked. 

"Goodbye Dean." The reaper said and you saw a movement on the other side of you. "Cas?" You asked as you turned to look into seep blue eyes. He smiled sadly but didn't say anything. He nodded at the reaper and grabbed your arm where the print was. 

His mark.

Everything went black again as you felt your soul returning to your body.


	7. Chapter 7

*NOW*  
The cool crisp air carried the smell of rain and falling leaves and you breathed it in deeply. The night sky shone above you and you wonder if you'll ever get to see Cas again.  
You've yelled yourself senseless this last month begging for him to return to you. 

You just want to tell him your sorry. More than anything, you don't want him to hate you. 

He wont talk to you. He won't come. You really did fuck things up. This is how its supposed to be. As long as Cas is Cas, you'll be happy. 

*THEN* 

"Dean! 'Cmon Dean!"  
You felt someone slapping your face gently and the room spun out of control as your soul locked itself in place inside your body. The need for air was overwhelming and you sat up suddenly, gasping for air. The person next to you jumped on their feet with enthusiasm as you coughed and struggled to breathe. 

"There you go, get it all up, it's ok man."  
"Sammy?" Your throat was dry, your voice raspy.  
He handed you a bottle of water and you chugged it.  
"Wheres Cas?" You ask your brother, slightly afraid of what he might say. You glance around the motel room, searching for him, but he wasn't there. 

"He went outside Dean. He said he would wait for you to wake up."  
What?! It worked. You kinda already knew but it was good to have conformation and you sighed as you lay your head back on the pillow. 

"It's really good to have you back Dean." 

Sam whispered it and you looked over at him. His hair had grown a little bit and his eyes had changed. More hurt behind them than usual. You put your hand on his shoulder using it to pull yourself up again. You gave him a hug that he wasn't expecting.

"Missed you too Sammy. Glad I'm back too."

You could feel his eyes on you as you pulled back and you looked up to see shock and a smile splayed across his face. After a few seconds it faded as he stepped back away from you.

"You better go see Cas."  
He was looking down at the carpet now, feigning interest in a drying muddy shoe print on the carpet, using his shoes to dig it out. 

You found yourself able to stand quickly and you walked to the door and opened it. Stepping outside into the darkness of the night, you spot Cas leaning against baby in the motel parking lot. 

He turned to look at you as you approached and you noted the soft smile on his face. When you got closer though, you saw the sadness, the emptiness, in his eyes. 

"Hello Dean," he whispered to you like he was scared of breaking the moment. 

Suddenly, you were scared of breaking it too. So you whispered back.

"Hey Cas." 

You reached out to put your hand on his arm. Just to make sure it was him. That he was Cas, that he was there with you for real. He drew back before you could touch him though. Your fingers grazed his trench coat and worry filled you and clutched your chest.  
"Your still him."  
It wasn't a question but Cas still answered.

"No no Dean. He's gone. Thank you. You sacrificed yourself for me when your plan only had a 30 percent chance of working. I appreciate it. But I remember everything. I can't Dean. The way he made me feel about you. He was right. I did like it. Now that I'm myself though, I don't. I don't like any of it."

His hand reaching out to grasp his mark on your arm sent off mixed signals. When his hand met your skin you felt it. His sadness. His agony. How sorry he was. The strongest feeling overwhelmed you though. You felt how disgusted he was at what had happened and your heart sank. 

You jerked away from him. Took a few steps back. Obviously understanding but still shocked at how powerful it was in you mind. Why would he feel like that? Yeah it wasn't him. Even you were disgusted but you had something that he didn't have. You had hope. Maybe he would understand that you had loved him since the first time you saw him. Maybe he would want to try and move slowly toward something more certain in the future. Even if he didn't, as long as he would still be your friend, you would be happy. You were determined to show him, to make him understand.

You took a step forward and grabbed his hand roughly and slammed it against your arm. His fingers in the right place without even thinking and you pushed everything you had inside toward him. You didn't think it would work but you had hope. It was strong. Stronger than the disgust you felt from him.  
He inhaled sharply and you knew he felt it. Saw the change in his eyes. You searched his face praying that he would understand how desperate you were for his approval. How much you just wanted to be with him, next to him. He looked down at the ground as his feelings returned ten fold. Filled you with coldness and hatred. He took away the hope inside you and you could actually feel your heart ripping itself to shreds.  
He took his hand from your arm and looked back up to you. The sadness back in his eyes.  
"No, I'm sorry Dean."  
The look he gave you was guarded. He hated you. Every part of you melted against the fact you weren't what he had wanted. He shook his head and sighed. Then he was gone. 

*NOW* 

A month had passed. You hadn't seen him since. Nothing you could do would make him come back. You had tried everything you could think of. Even summoning him didn't work.  
"I love you Cas"  
You whispered to the night sky. Hoping he would still listen. You had given so much of yourself for him and he for you. Why couldn't you have one more chance?  
You deserved one more chance. Suddenly you flooded with anger and you shout, arms outstretched.

"I just need to tell you Cas! I just need to tell you ok?! I'm sorry! I'm sorry Castiel! I'm sorry that I love you!"  
A few moments of silence filled the air before you fell to your knees sobbing uncontrollably.  
'Look at me, too fucked up to have him back. Too dirty. Not worthy.' 

The one who brought you back from death, twice now, had finally destroyed you. It hurt more than words could describe. It hurt more than you could comprehend. Then, it didn't hurt at all. Your body and mind went numb.

You were finally broken.


	8. Chapter 8

So silent. Everything was so freaking quiet. So peaceful. So nice to be lost in yourself. So nice to not. Feel. Anything.

Quietness was your only friend. And you loved it. You had time to think at first. 

You wanted to talk to Sam but the words wouldn't come. You wanted to tell him how broken you were. How you wanted to lean on him for support. 

You always did that though. So you decided against it. You were tired of bringing your problems on him. You were the older brother. You were supposed to be in charge. He didn't deserve to be drug down by you. 

So you kept it in. You kept everything in and hidden and pushed so far sown inside that it was just gone.

You blinked and Sam was in front of your face again. His mouth was moving but nothing was coming out. There was never anything any more. You couldn't ever focus on anything. You could see it but not focus. 

It scared you sometimes, how truly gone you were, but most the time you embraced it. Welcomed it. You tried to focus on his face. Tried to see his disappointment hiding in his eyes. Such a disappointment.

This time though he looked angry. There wasn't any pity or sadness in his eyes. There was pure anger and you smiled a little to yourself knowing you didn't feel that anymore. You couldn't feel anything. Even when his hands shook you and your body moved, your mind didn't. 

He was gone again. Who knows where. You didn't care about anything anymore. He could handle himself now. You didn't worry. You didn't care. Everything was numb. 

A few minutes later he appeared again. His face in your face. His hair was dripping and he was wearing nothing but his boxers. Toothpaste smeared on his lips, toothbrush hanging out of his mouth. He was giving you such a look of determination that you dared to wonder what was on his mind, but it was only for a split second.

You retreated back into yourself quickly but Sam must have seen it. He must have seen the spark in your eyes. He slapped your face so hard that you fell back on the bed you were sitting on.

The shock of the sting coursed through you and you smiled. He broke you out of yourself for just a minute and that was all he needed to know that you were still in there. 

A few minutes passed before he was back. Helping you take off your shirt and pants. Sleep.   
It was time to hide in your dreams. You barely had them anymore but when you did Cas was in them. 

It was before you knew he was Lucifer. A time when you felt lust more than love. Want more than need. The only other time you were lost in yourself and enjoyed it. You didn't feel anything now but you remembered what it felt like to give up control. 

Maybe that made sense. You were waiting for someone else to take control. Maybe that's what you needed. Maybe Sam knew. This is when you notice you were kneeling in front of the cheap head board with your hands tied together. You looked back and saw Sam.

He looked like a monster. A predator. He had obviously caught his pray, and he was angry. He walked behind you and you felt the sting of a belt hit your lower back. Again and again until the red marks turned to welts and the ringing silence in your ears broke. 

"Come back to me Dean."

Sam said quietly behind you as he lowered the belt on your skin again. This time you flinched. 

"Yes baby come on. Come back to me."

He said again. Baby?   
You straightened your shoulders as the belt came down again. 

Again. Again. 

The sting felt so good. It gave your mind a spark of something that hadn't been there in a while. 

When it came down again, you moaned. That small noise was all it took to bring you out of it the rest of the way and you spun your head toward Sam. Your eyes were open so wide you thought they might fall out. 

"Sam?" You whimpered. You actually whimpered. He looked at you in shock for a moment then smiled.

"It worked." He said, voice rough and low. You looked at his red eyes and saw the tear streaks on his face. He had been crying.   
'Stupid worthless piece of shit' the voice inside your head said to you. You deserved this. You needed this. 

Everything you had been hiding from finally hit you. You felt how lost and broken you really were. You wanted to hide again.   
You looked at your brother standing next to you now. He had untied your hands.

"I'm sorry De-" 

"More" 

You said it quickly. Harshly. Demanding the physical pain over the emotional turmoil reeking havoc on your soul. You turned your back toward him and after a few minutes you felt the blissful stings on your back again.   
It wasn't as hard as what you wanted though and you sighed.

"Harder Sammy" you begged.

The belt stopped. You heard him moving around the bed and you opened your eyes to see fresh tears on your brothers face.   
That just made you angry. 

"Dean, I don't think-"

"Good. Don't think Sammy. You wanted me back and now I am." 

The flash of hurt across his face let you know that you were still a monster. You were still fucked up.  
Feeling a burning behind your eyes you yelled at him. 

"Fucking more!"

His face hardened and he stood up straight. The sting, on your chest this time was enough to cover the pain inside. It made you feel alive. It made you feel real. 

"Count them Dean."

He said as the belt came down again. 

"1"  
*whack*  
"2"  
*whack*  
"3"

He kept going and you kept counting. This was bliss. Your body buzzed with emotional numbness. Your eyes closed, content with feeling. You didn't care that your brother was doing this. It could have been anyone and you would've been almost content with the pain. You moaned again as the belt came down on your thigh.

"Ten"

You breathed out. Your voice was huskier than it was when you had started and you waited patiently for the next sting. 

When it didn't come you opened your eyes and looked up at your brothers wide ones. His pupils were blown and his mouth was dropped open. You smiled at him as darkly as you could, looking up at him through your lashes. You enjoyed his discomfort and he noticed. Your eyes didn't leave his as the sting of the belt hit you again.

"Eleven" 

You whispered, enjoying the look on his face.

"Twelve" 

You were smiling at him and you knew he could finally see how sick and twisted you were inside and you knew he enjoyed it.

"Fifteen"

He paused to look at your marked chest and thighs and dropped the belt. Finally coming to his senses. Your eyes roamed down his body.   
You could see his skin glistening from sweat. His muscles were tightened from the sense of control he had lost himself in. Lower still, his tinted boxers. 

Your eyes jumped up to his and you smirked darkly at him.  
"So much for that shower."   
He looked down at himself then and noticed how hard he was.  
"Shit." 

He muttered as he turned and walked to his duffel bag and pulled on a pair of sweatpants. He grabbed a bottle of aloe and walked back over to you. Pushing you forcefully down onto the bed. You winced as the raw skin on your back met the cold sheets beneath you. 

You fell asleep to the gentleness of his fingers and the coolness of the aloe on your burning skin.


	9. Chapter 9

When you woke, you had found yourself locked inside again. Even more numb than before. You actually understood that you felt happy though. You found yourself wanting more but you couldn't even open your mouth to say anything. Sam kept shaking you. Trying to ask you questions, but you were too far gone. You regretted it but you couldn't change it. You needed help. Either he'd help you or leave you. 

When you tried to pull yourself out of it you noticed you were in your baby. Sam was driving. He noticed you looking over at him and his lips started moving. You could see how hopeful he was but you didn't understand. You started to lose focus again. You looked down and saw his hand on your arm. A sign of comfort.  
You appreciated it, but couldn't even feel it. It was just a thought. You knew it didn't matter then. That no matter what happened, your body was giving up. 

It went on this way for a while. Long enough for the welts to heal completely. You wished he would do it again, but he didn't. 

 

*SAM* 

The days passed and Dean was gone again. You had been drinking more and more each night, in hopes that the anger you felt toward him giving up, wouldn't result in the belt again.  
You had been curious about if it would work, remember how Dean had been so accepting of whatever him and Cas were doing. It felt wrong at the time. You knew something was different with them both and by the time you figured it out it was too late. When you walked in on him and Lucifer you were shocked. You hadn't realized how far it had gotten. It wouldn't really have bothered you if it would've been Cas, but it wasn't. 

You saw Deans understanding when you told him. You watched him break. Heard him beg and scream for Cas after the angel had brought him back and abandoned him.  
You felt hopeless when Cas didn't respond right away to your calls. The days passing by with your dead brothers body in your basement was unnerving.  
You wanted him back. You wanted the Dean that was there before he was fucked up and fucked by Lucifer. 

That night you were angry. Angry that the world had managed to keep going while Dean had just stopped. He locked himself inside and you knew from the night before he had broken. You had spent days trying to get any sort of reaction out of him. He was so empty that it hurt. He was basically dead again, and you felt so helpless.

He needed something else. Some sort of control. You knew everything he had was slipping away. You could see it in his eyes. Feel it in the way he looked at you. Heard it when he told Cas he loved him that night. 

You had called Cas too. You had tried but he didn't come. You asked around. Even brought Crowley in to help you summon the angel dick, but there was nothing.

It had been 8 months since you found out Cas was Lucifer. Dean deteriorated quickly and it broke your heart that your brother hadn't even tried to keep his head above the water. You had started to depend on Crowley for help with cases and hunts and finding Cas. Crowley eventually took your brothers place and it was hard, but there was nothing you could do about it.

You wanted Dean though. You needed him. You wanted to be what he needed, and when he looked at you with focus, with so much pain twisted in his face, you were shocked. He said your name like he remembered you and your heart filled and broke for him. You understood then that you had to be the strong one. That he needed this. You didn't want to do this to him, but spell after spell, his favorite foods, women... nothing worked. You were shocked that something worked. You had been what he had needed finally, you felt like you were needed again. 

Then you lost yourself looking down at him. You let anger take control and be the control Dean needed. He asked you for more. You heard the desperation in his voice. When he yelled you heard the quiver in his words that meant he was begging. Your body's reaction to it was slightly unnerving, but the research had proven it was just part of the experience.  
You didn't want to do it again though. 

You didn't want to get lost in that feeling again. Dean didn't deserve it. He hadn't done anything wrong.  
You glance over at your brother and saw no one. He went back into hiding so quickly, you didn't think it would work again anyways. 

You sighed. You thought about it too much. About how he smiled up at you, knowing that you had enjoyed it-..  
Your phone vibrating cut off your thoughts. Glancing at the 666 number you answered it quickly.  
"Crowley. "  
"I think I've found him."  
No jokes. Straight seriousness.  
"Where"  
"Michigan"  
"What? Why Michigan? "  
"I don't think you'll like this." Crowley told him the address. Told him to meet him there.  
"Don't bring Dean."  
"Believe me, he wouldn't notice even if I did. Listen Crowley, I know we haven't been the closest of friends, but I really do appreciate your help. All those hunts.. finding Cas. I..I...-"

"Listen moose. As much as I like where this is going we can't really be friends. I'm not gonna lie, I like you and Dean, that's why I'm helping, but we play for different sides. Maybe we can talk more later. Meet me at the address. See you in two hours."

You sighed and ended the call. Crowley had been a bigger part of your life lately. He had helped you, even saved you a few times.  
You looked at Dean again and turned up the music. Letting the open road take your worries.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter hoping to add another :) kudos!

*DEAN* 

You were in a bad place and you knew it. No amount of coaxing you out had worked. You could only focus on reality for just a few minutes at a time before you were sucked into the past.

Memories of you and Sam as kids overwhelmed your mind and heart. You lost yourself in them. You saw your mom and heard her voice. Her showing you how to make apple pie. Her singing you lullabies. Rocking Sammy when he was a baby.

You saw you father, heartless man he was, taking care of you after a few bad hunts. The smell of him was now the smell of you and Sam. You saw him gone so often, leaving you to take care of your brother, and that's when it hit you..

Sam. You always knew what he needed. Not necessarily what was going through his mind, but you knew how to take care of him. Which meant, in turn he knew how to take care of you. 

Standing up and focusing all your strength on snapping out of it, you take off your shirt and get on your knees. You see your in a motel room alone. 

There's a note on the table in front of you. Sam had some sort of faith in you still to leave one. 

"Went out for a few. Get some rest. Be back soon.  
Sammy"

Well it's not like you were going to remember waiting here anyways. You wanted to talk to him though. Tell him that you love him. You stood up again to take off your jeans and pull out your belt. 

You'll wait here for him. You sink, once again, to your knees. Hoping against all hopes, that he will understand, as the darkness pulls you under again.


	11. Chapter 11

SAM

You met up with Crowley, at an old run down gas station, 2 and a half hours from when the phone call had ended. You felt uneasy leaving Dean alone, but you wanted answers. 

Dean might not be all there, but Cas was and you couldn't risk him leaving because of your brother.

"A little late moose." Crowley smirked at you, and you were happy his dampened mood from earlier was gone. 

"we had to stop at the Motel first." You explained. By now he knew how uncomfortable you were with leaving Dean alone. 

"Alright well he's here," Crowley told you. He said it cautiously, like there was more he was hiding. "Your not gonna be happy, I promise."

You looked at him and saw sadness in his eyes. He was the king of hell, dammit, and he was looking at you with pitty. Head tilted down slightly, brown eyes looking up at you, asking you for trust. 

He was giving you the puppy dog look and it was weird and also kind of cute. Your eyes flicked to his mouth as he bit his lip and you were lost in thoughts about kissing him. He may call you a moose but he was a fucking huggable squishy bear. A little kid pretending to be a monster. Adorable really. 

Wait. Adorable. What the he'll were you thinking about! You dragged your eyes away from his lips to his curious gaze and sighed. 

"What's he doing here?"   
"He works here."  
"What? Why?"  
"Well, normally one does require a job or some sort of income to make money."  
"But he doesn't need money! He's a-"  
"Human. He's human."

You blinked in shock. Human? That doesn't make sense. He was so ready to go back to his life. Doing whatever angels do.."the work of god"... why didn't he tell anyone? Had someone ..something.. taken his grace again?

"Well I have a lot of questions, so let go talk to him." You looked at Crowley again and saw him staring at your mouth too. 

You were biting your lip and he was staring just as you were at him. You licked your lips slowly and watched his eyes follow the movement. His cheeks turned pink when you cleared your throat, smirking at him. 

"Alright moose, let's go."  
You both opened the car doors and got out. Walking up to the gas station door Crowley opened the door for you.

As you walked passed him you said rather sarcastically "thank you squishy bear." 

His expression was priceless. 

 

Cas was there behind the counter reading some stupid book with yellowing pages. The little ding of the bell when the door opened hadn't even made him look up. 

"Slushy machine is down." He called to you both without looking up from the book. Even when you walked up to the cash register he was still enthralled in the stupid book. He was obsessed with the god damn book. The title let on it was some crappy romance novel and that pissed you off even more. 

You cleared your throat and he finally glanced up at you then looked back down to the book once again. 

You waited. And it took him a few seconds longer than you'd like to admit. He gasped in shock and stood up from the stool he was sitting on behind the cash register, and dropped his book on the off white tiles of the floor. 

"Sam!" He exclaimed with a smile on his face, which quickly faded as he said your name again. And again. He went from joy to confusion to anger so quickly that it made your head spin with anticipation. You were expecting something to happen, but nothing really ever did.

"Crowley? Why did you tell him? I thought I agreed to everything. You said you wouldn't let them know I was here!"

Your head swung around to stare at the demon who glance up at you guiltily before replying.  
"Sam knows. He knows everything but your story."

"And Dean?" The ex-angel asked you, his voice raised an octave higher than what it was supposed to. 

Of course you could tell him how Dean suffered. How miserable he had been, how he threw everything away, but Cas didn't deserve that without you hearing his story first. 

"He's dead." You lied. 'Liar' Hoping Can couldn't see through it.   
"What! How?"  
" It's a long story, and I'm guessing yours is too."

" I fell. It's not that long of a story. After what happened I was claimed too dirty to re-enter heaven and I could either endure a cleaning that would take a hundred years by earths time or I could fall and live as a human. I thought about it for a while but it really wasn't a hard decision. I knew I wanted to be here. I wanted to be with Dean. I just. I've been hesitant to seek him out. To tell him why I left. Now I guess it was all pointless. "

You sighed, not really knowing what to say to the angel who had given up everything to be with Dean. 

"Why didn't you tell us?" 

"I was waiting until I had settled. I didn't want to be a burden." 

You knew there was more to it than that, you could see it in his eyes, but you didn't push it. The way he held him self, it wasn't right, but you didn't want to deal with it. You were exhausted and if he wanted to lie, then let him. Besides you lied to him. You knew Dean was at the motel, lost somewhere deep in himself, and you just wanted to get back to him, take care of him. 

"Listen Cas, I'd like to catch up some more with you, do you wanna meet up sometime? Lunch, dinner?" You asked him, and for a split second a look of relief crossed his face, but it was quickly hidden. It was probably because you didn't question his story.

"Yes Sam, I'd love too."   
"Alright, I'll be in touch ok?"  
You smiled at him before turning to leave, feeling slightly uneasy in his presence.   
You clench your jaw as you walk back to the car, realizing Crowley had already did his disappearing act. You'll have to talk to him later. What did Cas mean when he said he 'agreed to everything'? 

\------

The ride to the motel was silent, deciding not to listen to music or even think about anything. The only sounds were the wind against the car and the wheels on the road. It was when you got to the motel that you finally realized how wound up you had been about Cas.   
The things he said didn't make since. You had never heard of any angel going through a cleaning? Is that what he called it? 

You tried to gather yourself before making your way to the room but you couldn't. You were ready for the hard liquor and a dreamless sleep. 

You opened the door and your mouth dropped as you spot Dean on his knees in front of you. He had stripped to his boxers and was holding a belt in his hands. You could see his eyes though, and he was just as gone now as when you left. He was telling you he needed this, and really you did too. 

A smile played on your lips as you closed the door and walked towards him. Taking the belt from his hands and walking around him, looking him over, you could already feel the pull of control. It was sucking you in and you were ready to let it take over, and it did, at the first sound of leather hitting skin.


	12. Chapter 12

*DEAN*

In the open field it's silent. So painfully quiet it puts pressure on your eardrums. Like the sound is being sucked away, pulled away, like a magnet, from your ears, and it hurts.

It makes you feel alone and empty.  
It makes you feel defenseless. 

For some reason your laying down in the tall, almost colorless, grasses around you. They're softer than anything you've ever felt, but it stings. They make little cuts across your sweaty skin, but it doesn't compare to the pain of the suctioning quiet around you. 

The sun above you is too bright. You squint your eyes but it doesn't help. The brightness hurts, but you strain, for some reason still, to see the blue sky beyond the blinding rays. From what you can tell, it's just gray. 

Gray grass. Gray sky. Blinding light. No sound. 

You stand a stretch your legs, but they don't need it. There's no cramping, no popping bones or aching muscles. 

Your eyes finally focus on your location. The field goes on as far as you can see in all directions. There's no trees. No shade. 

Even though your sweating, you don't feel hot. The sun hurts your eyes. Your ears pop. The skin on your legs hurt from the tiny, too soft, blades of grass. 

Then there's a breeze that brings a twinge of relief to everything that has feeling. Just a split second of relief.  
That's it. No more. 

With the breeze, comes a smell, a scent that has you missing home. The smell of laundry and pie and stale beer. The smell of manly musk and strong cologne. The smell of oil and leather so strong that leaves you almost breathless. You want to cry, but you cant. 

You feel so lost, so empty, so damaged. You can't hear. You can't see. You only feel pain.. and longing. Longing for something that's so far out of reach. So familiar, but strangely unknown. 

You follow the smell of heaven in your own personal hell for days. Days that never end, making it one very long eternal morning. You walk blindly through the colorless world, until the pain of the grass becomes too much.  
You look down and your skin is gone. It's just bone.  
But you keep going.  
You don't need sleep.  
It won't come.  
You don't need to eat.  
You don't feel.  
Just follow the smell of home.

 

There are no signs of life. No animals jumping around in the fields. Why would there be. The grass in made of silky razor blades, no type of insect or animal could live. Your alone. Your alone. Your alone.

No birds fly above you and you wish one would. Just one.  
Just to block out the supernova sun that has no mercy and gives no release. Just for a second. Just a split second. 

Your eyes don't water, but they burn. Even though you think about it, your hands never move to block the rays from your vision. 

Just one cloud, just one bird, just one sound, just one home.  
You prayed for the first time in a long time. Even though it was far too late for that. No one could hear you from.  
Empty  
Alone  
Defenseless  
Home.

Home home home. You could keep going for home. For anything familiar.  
Instead your bony feet and legs have a mind of their own and they stop walking. Your head turns back to look without your control.  
The flattened grass where you woke is only a few steps behind you. Just two maybe three feet. 

You've walked for years and haven't gone anywhere. 

You can't go anywhere. 

A field full of bladed grass that cuts until your bone, and you can't go anywhere. 

Your body walks toward the flattened grass easy as pie. Just three steps and your there. Keep going passed it though you get the same results. Walking and going no where.  
So you sit.  
You wait.  
For a cloud.  
For a sound.  
For a bird.  
For no pain.  
For home.

You wait for... eternity really. There's no time to keep though. No seconds or hours. No moon and stars. It's nothing where you are. You hate being this far in, but do you? 

You rub at your back, the grass stinging your shoulder blades, and close your eyes. The sun shines brightly through your lids. No relief.  
Your back stings again. Then your chest. Then your thighs. You stand and run. Run run run.

Run far away as the stings on your arms and thighs get stronger. So strong you even try to cry out. If you did, you'll never know. You can't hear. Your running but not going anywhere. 

Your scared for a moment that the sun is burning you from the inside out. There's no relief.  
There's pain everywhere.  
Your all alone.  
Home.  
Sammy.

Sammy. Sam! Gotta get back. I'm trapped. 

So you sit and let the pain overwhelm you. Let it take control. Don't ignore it but embrace it. Live for it. Breathe for it. Give yourself to it. 

Your world of nothing flickers and it gives you strength. Gives you hope.  
Your not alone but you are.  
The flickers come faster, stronger. The grays and bright lights fade away and your ears pop loudly. Painfully.

You scream. And breathe in, gasping for air.  
"Come on baby. Come back to me."  
You hear.  
Hear.  
You can hear.  
You slowly open your eyes and you can see.  
No unbearably bright light.  
*thwack*  
You flinch  
"Yes come on Dean. It's ok. Your back baby come on."  
Motel room.  
*Thwack*  
Knees.  
*thwack*  
"Sam?"  
You turn and see the most beautiful thing you've seen in what felt like a lifetime of lifetimes.  
"Dean?" 

As Sams voice reaches your ears you hum in pleasure. You can hear. Your back. Everything's ok. His hands are hot on your skin as he holds your head in your hands.  
"I don't... I don't want to go back Sammy. I want to stay here. I want to stay with you. Why do I keep going back?"  
He shushes you and runs his fingers through your hair.  
" I'll always be here Dean. I'll keep bringing you out. I promise. I promise. "

You leaned into his touch. It feels like magic on your skin.  
"It's so much stronger. I just. I need..."

And for some reason in your foggy, rapidly fading mind, your need of touch was overpowering your small ability to think clearly. But your hands were tied. Literally. So you touched the only way you could. You leaned forward and pressed your lips to his gently. Softly. Sweetly.

Then blackness took you away again. Your head fell back and your body convulsed. 

Somewhere in the back of your mind, you heard Sam frantically call your name, before the silence deafened your ears once again.


	13. Chapter 13

SAM

You were shocked to feel his cold lips against yours. Still in control mode, this was out of your control. Everytime Dean came out of it, he struggled, like swimming through syrup. You were lucky if it lasted more than a few hours when he did come to, but it was never over in just a few minutes. You don't know if he was exhausted or if he was gone again, but you didn't want to take your chances. Still the fact that he had kissed you? Why? Was he trying, maybe the only way he could, to say .... goodbye maybe? 

You had been laying low lately. Same motel for three weeks. Meeting with a fallen angel throughout the day and slapping your brother into reality with a belt by night. What a simply messed up life you lead. 

This time was different though. He normally came out of it so slowly. This time he was just there. He kissed you then convulsed on the floor. It was confusing and horrifying, and the adrenaline pumping through your veins turned to ice cold fear. Ice cold. Like his lips. What the hell. You needed help this time. Even though you still didn't trust Cas, it was time to tell him the truth. The other meetings were really just leisure talk. You were just trying to see what he was like when he lied. When he told the truth. Finger tap here, a useless glance at nothing there. He was easy to read. Easily human.  
That thought still shocked you.  
Maybe he could help Dean, angel or not. Maybe there's a spell. Either way you had to try. Deans body stopped convulsing and you picked him up easily, cradling him in your arms and out to the car. He was too light, and you didn't let yourself think about it often.  
He ate enough, even in his trance like state, but only when you fed him. Coaxed him. Pleaded.

You pulled out of the motel parking lot and sped to the run down gas station in hopes the ex angel would finally give you the truth you needed to forgive and forget. Maybe help you with your brother, help clean up the mess he created. Before it was too late.

 

You made it there in record time and jumped out of the still running car. The door clear, finger smudged door opened with a ding and Cas looked up at you from behind the counter.

"Sam?"  
"Cas," you said trying to catch your breath. You felt the panic attack growing stronger. "Need you... help.."

That was gonna have to be good enough. You turned and ran back to the car praying that he was behind you. You could see Dean shaking again. Another fit of convulsions shaking his body so violently that his head cracked the passenger window as they collided and his body went still.

You had his door opened and his seat laying as far back as it could go in a heart beat.   
Footsteps behind you stopped abruptly.  
"Sam?"  
There was anger. Anger and confusion.maybe even fear in that one word.  
You turned to him, saw his wide eyes and paling skin.  
"Look I lied ok? Just tell me how I can help him. Please Cas. Please."

He looked at you and his anger disappeared from his eyes. Replaced with sadness. 

He looked down at his shoes and after a few minutes of silence he sighed and looked you in the eye.

"There is nothing that can be done. My grace is gone. The grace that's in him... it's mine. I pulled him out of hell, Sam, clutched him so tightly that some of my grace bled into his soul becoming two different pieces of the same piece and-"

He sighed and stopped talking. Obviously getting ahead of himself. You stayed quiet. Hoping that he would continue explaining. You needed him to tell you.

"My grace is gone. But his grace.. His little part of me, it's still in there. And it can't sense me. It can't feel me anymore. This is what's going on. Eventually, it will die, since I can't connect with it, and he will die as the rest of my grace does." He sighed for what seemed to be the billionth time in five minutes. He was tapping his fingers on the side of his thigh, and you let yourself stare into nothing while he wanted for your reaction.

Dean dead. He's dying. You can't let him die. You needed him. Suddenly you stand up, Cas jumps with the quickness of it. 

Your mouth was open, this wasn't right. This wasn't fair. He can't die. Not again. He's died so many times. You can't do it again. You can't go through with it all again. 

"Can we get the grace out?"  
"That's what's holding him together, Sam. That would kill him."

With all your energy drained, you dropped to your knees. Buzzing in your ears told you this was a panic attack. You'll pass out soon, and you managed to say it before darkness overtook your body. Leaving Cas to take care of both yours and Dean unconscious bodies.


	14. Chapter 14

In the end it's always the same. You do it, or you avoid it for a few more years. You knew this would be the last time you snapped out of it. 

Listening to the hushed voices in the room, Sam and... Cas? Well, they knew it too. Whatever it was that was going on with you, they had already figured it out. You were on your own now. The beeping of a monitor to my right cues me in. 

The hospital. Well that's ashame. You open your eyes slowly to see them both at the end of the bed.  
Castiel.  
He looks different. He looks human, but there's a fire under his skin that you've never seen before. Even his eyes seem like they're glowing.  
"Your skin.." You heard Sam say, and Cas looked down and sighed. 

"I know..I know Sam. I tried. I tried everything. This is just... it's like a candle. When the flame goes out, the wick still burns for a minute. I'm the wick. That means the flame's gone out."  
They both look at you then, and you looked back at them. All just staring, shocked and scared and concerned about what was going to happen. Sam came out of it first.

He walked over to you with wet eyes and shaky hands. His hand grabbed for yours and his fingers felt clammy as he squeezed.  
"I'm sorry Dean. I'm so sorry."  
" It's ok Sammy. I love you brother. Just remember that ok?"  
He nodded solemnly at you, eyes blinking rapidly trying to hold back tears. Your heart ached for him.  
You were so used to being there for him, fighting for him, you wanted to tell him everything will be alright and then fight until everything was. 

"I love you too Dean." He whispered back, and when his voice broke, it broke both of you. He let go of my hand and ran out of the room. You wanted to run with him. To run from whatever unbearable pain this was. Wanted to hide with him. But he ran without you.  
He left you before you left him. 

Cas is holding your other hand now, tears welling up in his eyes.  
"Hey now," Your voice was hoarse and shakey, "it couldn't have been that bad."

"What?" He sounded confused. Playing into your line so easily made you smile.. kind of.

"When you fell from heaven."

He smiled up at you and grunted out a small sound that could've been a laugh to the right ears. 

"Are you using a pick up line on me while your on your death bed?" 

The words death bed made your smile falter for a split second, but it returned full force.

"I'll never stop Cas. Not even after I'm gone, I will always want you." 

Your tongue felt like cotton in your mouth, your eyes burned with tears that you would never admit to if you weren't going to die.  
Two men crying in the same room. Well one man and one fallen angel. 

He leaned down and kissed your lips. He tasted like salt and cinnamon and something so unearthly it didn't have a name. He looked at you as he pulled away, the heart monitor, beeping wildly, didn't slow down as it should. Dull pain shot through your chest. Cas ran one hand through your hair while the other one held your own.  
"It'll only hurt for a minute,"  
He whispered in your ear , as the pain got stronger. It over took your body and you could barely move. 

As the world darkened around you, you heard his voice once more.  
"I love you Dean."


End file.
